Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
