How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
two words...techno handjob
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
