Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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