the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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