his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
