You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
