i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
