My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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