There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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