hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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