I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
