New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
