I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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