sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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