Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
