respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm like, not good at living.
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