Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
