you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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