your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
