all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
