i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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