ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
