Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
