New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Vodka?
Forever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
