I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
