I looked at my own cervix.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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