I cockslap morals
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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