You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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