i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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