Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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