do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
