Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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