just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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