I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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