What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
