dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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