I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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