Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
