I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
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What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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