so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
