put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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