he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
