if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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