Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize