woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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