WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
