I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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