Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
