I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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