just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
