The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
