I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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