You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
two words...techno handjob
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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