think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
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So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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