Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
