Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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