Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
