i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize