Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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