: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
