woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
