Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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