This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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